Tales of the Parodyverse

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J. Jonah Jerkson sends best birthday wishes anyway
Fri Mar 10, 2006 at 03:27:31 pm EST
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An editorial: Visionary? Bah!
Originally
HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VISIONARY!!
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Yo
Fri Mar 10, 2006 at 05:16:53 am EST
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From the Parodiopolis Daily Trombone:

Visionary? Bah!

An Editorial

By J. Jonah Jerkson, Publisher and Editor

One of the minor irritations of being the opinion-leading editor of the most influential news organ on Earth is the flood of trivial information that reaches my desk every day. Hundreds of corporate puff pieces, minor politicians’ spinners, preposterous charity events, whining interest group releases and cheesy celebrity blurbs reach me every day, their authors hoping their bit of pseudo-information will be found newsworthy.

One of the least newsworthy of those was an announcement from Meggan Foxx, the Lair Legion’s publicist, a woman more suited for sewage disposal than public relations, that Visionary’s birthday is today. Because Ms. Foxx (and the use of the term Ms. is a gross over-compliment to that slattern) is apparently on the lam with the mountebanks and bizarroes that make up the Lair Legion, it appears that the release was computer-generated. That’s only appropriate for that hapless hobo, the possibly-fake man, who keeps claiming the public consciousness despite his utter inability to be a productive member of society.

But what can one expect of a being who voluntarily consorts with human detritus such as the loathsome and perfidious Goldeneyed, the fatuous spiffy, and the unspeakable Trickshot? Even referring to Visionary’s history of bobbles, blunders and bimbos is more recognition than he deserves.

Make no mistake about it, our heroic and principled stand against the abuses being perpetrated on the good people of American in the name of SR 1066 does not mean that this newspaper has forgotten its equally principled stand against the costumed harlequins who have been an equal menace to our proud and ordered society. The Daily Trombone fearlessly stands against all who would abuse the citizenry of the greatest nation on earth. So, Visionary’s birthday is today? Bah!

This is J. Jonah Jerkson, telling you the truth.




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